crazy lady ramblings

What does it mean to be proud of someone? Why do people feel the desire to make others proud of them?

yuck!

I am disgusted with myself. When I look in the mirror I get sick. I cannot believe how much I’ve let myself go. I have gained back almost all the weight I lost all those years ago and I am embarrassed. I have realized that I have been avoiding certain things because of my embarrassment of how much weight I have gained. I do not want and will not hang out my husbands friends because I am embarrassed by how I look. I feel bad for my husband that he is married to such a fatty. I am not the woman he married and I hate myself for it. I really NEED to do something about it. I need to get serious about losing weight. I told my best friend last week that I was going to get back on track and then I continued to eat like crap and sit on my ass. I know the secret to losing weight. I need to eat less and get off my ass and be more active. It sounds simple enough. However, I love food. Food is my addiction. I can no longer give people crap for smoking because for the life of me I cannot break my addiction to food.

I train with Steve, just so you know...

Today was weigh in day. I am only down .2 pounds from last wednesday but I will take it! I mean at least the scale is moving in the right direction, right?

I have found something I really, really, enjoy. Green Monsters! Information and recipes can be found here . There are lots of ways to make them but the way I like mine is

1 Tablespoon Flax seed
1 Cup spinach
1 Cup almond milk
1 Banana

blend that all up and then add 6 or 8 icecubes and blend again. It tastes like a banana milkshake I swear!!

I also want to share a video found. So funny!!

Enjoy!

Week One

Week one went great and I am down 8.2 pounds! I found some good blogs for motivation and tried some new recipes. I wish I could say I kept track of what I ate and its points plus values 100% but I started out doing good and then over the weekend I stopped. Today is Monday though and I am back on track. Pretty sure I used all my weeklies over the weekend and I am ok with that.

 I took before pictures so I am excited to see where this journey will lead me. I am thinking of taking pictures for every 10 pounds lost. I know that it will not be noticeable in the beginning but I think it’s something I will look forward to and can use as motivation to keep trucking along. I know I should do measurements but that just seems like a lot of work.

I need to play around with this blog a bit more.  I want to put links to my favorite blogs on the side and I need to learn how to post pictures. I would love to post some of the new recipes I have been trying.

Where to begin?

It’s been awhile. I wish I could say during my time away I found the skinny girl in me but instead she’s gotten buried further inside as I have gotten even bigger.  Since my last post I suffered from a bout of plantar fasciitis which I tried to ignore and continue running. That turned out to be a very bad idea. I had to stop exercising since I could barely walk and went to the Good Feet Store to get fitted for orthotics.  Plantar fasciitis gets better if you rest and your foot and because I had an excuse not to exercise I used it. Since I wasn’t exercising any resemblance of a diet eventually went out the window as well. Since then I have gained the little I had lost plus an extra 20 pounds. Ouch!! I cannot believe I let myself get so much out of control. I almost weigh as much as I did at my heaviest. I worked so hard to lose the weight the first time that I cannot believe I let myself go back to that.  On Monday last week I stepped on the scale and decided enough is enough.  It’s a new year and what better time to make a change than now? Since then I have come up with a game plan to fight the fat.

1.) Try new recipes and cook more often

2.) Pack lunch, supper and healthy snacks for work

3.) Keep a food journal and track everything

4.) Try to stay busy so I don’t just eat out of boredom

5.) Find blogs to read daily to inspire/motivate me

who knew I would actually like running?

I am horrible at updating. I ran my first 5k and I actually had fun! so much in fact that I signed up for 2 more!! Im up to running for 20 minutes before I need to take a quick break for a drink and such. today I ran taking a couple short walking breaks and went 3.3 miles in 40 minutes. I didnt run nonstop however, so I couldnt tell you how much of that was walking but I know I didnt walk much. I also increased my spead to 5.4mph just because. I havent been so good at watching what I eat but Ive been focusing more on pushing myself at the gym. Putting in a good workout makes me feel good. In 3 weeks I will be doing my second 5k and my goal is to run the first 2 miles without walking. My first 5k I was able to keep up with everyone for the first mile before I needed to walk and in the end I only finished a minute behind them!! Then, when the Fargo 5k comes around hopefully I will be able to run the whole thing!!

Jiggling my juggley

I have started running. Well, my version of it anyway.  It’s awkward and I only like to do it when I am alone…. Which has proven to be pretty much impossible. My first attempt was after my friend and I worked out with our trainer. Our trainer had my friend run laps around the hockey arena while she walked with me. She wanted me to run a quarter of the lap just to see where I was. I hated it. I felt so awkward and bad about myself because my whole body jiggled and shook and flapped about. It was horrible and I almost started crying because of my embarrassment. After they left I went upstairs to where they have a fitness room and was going to jump on the elliptical for awhile. The next day was our weigh in day for the biggest loser contest at work and I felt I needed to work harder.  However, when I got upstairs there was a man on the elliptical. I got on the treadmill and walked waiting for him to leave. I was about to give up when he finally left. Since I was alone I decided now was the time to give running a try on the treadmill. Up until this point I have refused because I didn’t know what speed to set it at and I had horrible visions of not being able to keep up and flying off the end. So I hesitantly increased the speed until 5.2 mph. and do you know what happened? I was able to keep up! I even felt like I could go faster but I kept it at that speed because I didn’t want to risk it. I ran for a minute and then walked for a minute. I did this for 20 minutes and I felt like I could have gone even longer!  I didn’t however, because it was getting late and I wanted to go home. It was probably a good thing too because the next morning when I woke up I was extremely sore!

The second time I tried walk/running was at anytime fitness. I wasn’t going to do it because I was embarrassed about jiggling my juggley about in front of everyone but then I looked around at the people there and thought “I don’t care what they think” and went at it. That time I walked 90 seconds, ran 90 seconds and did that for 30 minutes. Today, I walked a minute ran 2 minutes for a total of 40 minutes. I wanted to see how long it would take me to go 3 miles. It took me 39 minutes and 45 seconds. I know that is not that fast but I am proud of myself for trying and I hope to keep at it and improve!

Why the sudden interest in learning to run? Well, my BFF Adara has asked her friends to do a 5k with her for her birthday. She is an amazing friend that I feel very lucky to have. She has been there for me thru thick and thin. Literally. She’s been there for me when I weighed 298lbs and couldn’t find a bathing suit in my size that didn’t have bright, bold, obnoxious patterns screaming” look over here! Fat lady in a swimsuit” when all I wanted was a simple black one to try and hide my large-ness. She was there cheering me on when I started losing weight and got down to 189lbs. She was also there for me as I gained it back, telling me it happens to everybody and has been keeping me motivated to lose again.  And so, with a friend like that, how could I say no?  With her I feel no pressure. I know she won’t care if I end up walking the whole thing. I know she won’t judge me if it takes me all day to finish but be proud of me that I did it.  So, on March 12^th I will be participating in my first 5k marathon!!